Family counselors divide parenting styles into three categories: authoritarian (a parents-know-best approach that emphasizes obedience); permissive (which provides few behavioral guidelines because parents don’t want to upset their children); and authoritative (which blends a caring tone with structure and consistent limit-setting). In an ideal world, both parents have an authoritative style, because that’s what fosters the healthiest relationships. What makes differences in parenting styles particularly hard is they often stem from forces that are “largely unconscious,” Frazier says. “Some people study up on parenting before they have kids. And some consciously work against what their own parents did. A lot more people unconsciously act out exactly what they saw their own parents doing.